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001. not in kansas, toto [action/voice]
[Xander has woken up in some pretty weird places in his time. It's an occupational hazard of fighting the forces of evil and usually getting knocked unconscious as a result. However, this - Luceti, that is - has certainly raised the bar of weirdness.
Cold, hard, earth underneath his bare (and oddly uncomfortable) back, greenery and trees all around, and some frankly bizarre white pants on his lower half. Blinking, groaning and fumbling to feel for his eyepatch (on his face, mercifully) he sits up.]
What the...? [he mutters, looking around incredulously - at that moment noticing his clothes piled neatly beside him, along with the rather incongruous looking journal. He stares, then sighs, reaching for his clothes - this is all probably Andrew's moronic doing, his idea of a hilarious prank - after all, if it was a demon thing, he'd probably be dead or eaten by now. Or possibly disembowelled.
He moves to pull his sweater over his head, but encounters difficulty at his shoulder blades - an odd obstruction, something there where there should be nothing. After a couple of frustrated tugs, he reaches back to find out what the problem is, and oh - feathers. Attached to... wings. Well, that's a game-changer.
Now fully miffed (and feeling a lot less relaxed about this whole experience) he abandons the sweater and reaches for the book instead, stifling the urge to panic. There were bound to be clues in here, right? He arrives at the first page and eyes it with suspicion - some kind of communication device? After a moment of ginger examination, he hesitantly selects the 'voice' function, muttering to himself:]
Yay, a mysterious book. Because that always ends so spectacularly well.
[and now raising his voice substantially:]
Okay, listen up, Andrew - whatever kind of hilarious joke you're playing, it's very much not hilarious. And if you don't get out here within the next two seconds and undo whatever funky mojo you did to my back, I will personally locate and destroy your vintage 1989 Sega Mega Drive console. Mint condition and boxed, third drawer from the left, don't think I won't do it!
Cold, hard, earth underneath his bare (and oddly uncomfortable) back, greenery and trees all around, and some frankly bizarre white pants on his lower half. Blinking, groaning and fumbling to feel for his eyepatch (on his face, mercifully) he sits up.]
What the...? [he mutters, looking around incredulously - at that moment noticing his clothes piled neatly beside him, along with the rather incongruous looking journal. He stares, then sighs, reaching for his clothes - this is all probably Andrew's moronic doing, his idea of a hilarious prank - after all, if it was a demon thing, he'd probably be dead or eaten by now. Or possibly disembowelled.
He moves to pull his sweater over his head, but encounters difficulty at his shoulder blades - an odd obstruction, something there where there should be nothing. After a couple of frustrated tugs, he reaches back to find out what the problem is, and oh - feathers. Attached to... wings. Well, that's a game-changer.
Now fully miffed (and feeling a lot less relaxed about this whole experience) he abandons the sweater and reaches for the book instead, stifling the urge to panic. There were bound to be clues in here, right? He arrives at the first page and eyes it with suspicion - some kind of communication device? After a moment of ginger examination, he hesitantly selects the 'voice' function, muttering to himself:]
Yay, a mysterious book. Because that always ends so spectacularly well.
[and now raising his voice substantially:]
Okay, listen up, Andrew - whatever kind of hilarious joke you're playing, it's very much not hilarious. And if you don't get out here within the next two seconds and undo whatever funky mojo you did to my back, I will personally locate and destroy your vintage 1989 Sega Mega Drive console. Mint condition and boxed, third drawer from the left, don't think I won't do it!
[Voice]
[Madder than a drunken gundark at a wookie party...]
They don't seem to have a clear goal in mind, not really.
[Voice]
So we've been kidnapped by unknown forces, given highly inconvenient wings for unknown reasons, and are being kept under wraps by a bunch of mad scientists called the Malnosso, who don't know what they're doing.
...does that about sum it up?
[Voice]
That's it exactly. I know it's a lot to process, but it's the truth.
How about something a little simpler to focus on. What's your name?
[Voice]
Well thank you for the 101 - I appreciate it. And I'm Xander.
[Voice]
[Get ready for a bigger one.]
I'm Luke Skywalker. It's nice to meet you, Xander.
[Voice]
Hah! Good one. And I'm the queen of England.
[Video]
Somehow, I doubt that. I am who I am.
[Video]
Wha -- but you're -- but -- you --
[okay, he will form an actual sentence.] You're the Luke Skywalker? Obi-Wan's apprentice, son of Padme Amidala, twin to Princess Leia, celebrated Jedi knight?
[Video]
Actually, I'm the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order now.
And yes, I've seen the films. They're accurate enough for the most part.
[Video]
You're my hero.
[Video]
[Not sure how to react to that. Or the idea of caramel covered poodoo.]
[Video]
I'm sorry, I'm not usually one for public displays of dorkness, it's just that you're, like - a freaking legend. And I'm starting to think this place is at least 15% less terrible now.
[Video]
[Still not as bad as Billy Kaplan, Xander. You can at least speak. Luke's only reaction is to remain mildly amused though.]